Parent Ministry Pillar #3: Communication

This is part 4 of a 4-part "Foundations of Parent Ministry" series.

I don't know about you, but I hate election season. This is the time each fall where all of my favorite television shows are invaded by annoying political commercials. It usually starts in September and doesn't end until election day in November. In September, the commercials feature politicians discussing the issues and trying to convince voters that they are the right choice because of their stance on those issues. However, by mid-October, the politicians put the issues aside and begin slinging mud at each other, attacking the character and track record of their opponents. These annoying commercials air during every single commercial break, and by election day, I'm so irritated that I don't even want to vote. Talk about overkill!

We usually view overkill as a negative thing. Political commercials, daily junk email, nightly calls from telemarketers, and the car in your town with 50 cheesy Christian bumper stickers plastered all over it. All overkill, and all equally annoying. However, when it comes to establishing yourself as a trusted and reliable youth worker, there is one area where there is no such thing as overkill. It's in the area of parent communication, the third and final foundational pillar that must be in place in order to begin to build a successful parent ministry.

I pride myself in being a good communicator. After all, I majored in communication in college and have been working in that field ever since I graduated. My wife, Michelle, graduated with the same degree from the same school at the same time I did. You would think, then, that our marriage would be marked by excellent, even articulate communication. Wrong! Many times over the years, we have had communication breakdowns, which have led to tension, misunderstandings, and arguements. I would say that we are probably above average in the area of husband/wife communication, but it still takes a lot of effort and work on our part to communicate well with one another.

In the same way, no matter how good of a communicator you think you are, you still need to make it an area of great focus and effort in your ministry - especially with your parents. If they do not know the important "who, what, when, where, and whys" of your ministry, they will not be quick to trust you or see you as a partner in the development of their teen. There is no overkill in this area.

I believe that there are three main things that you as a youth worker must clearly and constantly communicate to your parents: your commitment to the family, your ministry vision, and your ministry schedule.

Communicate Your Commitment to the Family
It's one thing to say to your parents that you are committed to them and to their family, but it's another thing to actually fashion your ministry in such a way as to prove it. Many youth workers say that they are allies of the family but then declare war on their schedules. Families seem to be busier today than they have ever been. If we want to communicate our commitment to the family, then we must not contribute to their out-of-control lifestyles. This is not to say that we shouldn't plan weekly youth meetings and occasional parent meetings, but it does mean that we should be sensitive to our families.

Many youth workers don't feel satisfied unless they are running crazy doing youth group "stuff" all the time. I know that early on in my ministry, I felt this way. As I would put together my monthly calendars, if there were gaps - more than 3 or 4 days with no youth events - I would add things to make it look fuller. In the process, I was adding to the problem. Unfortunately, many youth workers today are doing the same. I know of several youth workers who are running themselves ragged and running their families ragged as well. They have small group meetings, big group meetings, student leadership team meetings, adult leadership team meetings, youth choir meetings, junior high meetings, and senior high meetings all in one week. It's killing them, and it's contributing to the breakneck lifestyle of their families.

If you are one of these, then work to trim your youth event schedule. Integrate and combine some of your programs. Be willing to even cut some of your programs, because there are probably some that are unnecessary or ineffective anyway. Block program so that multiple meetings can take place on the same night. That way kids will only have to come to the church one evening per week rather than two or three. As you develop your ministry schedule, put yourself in the shoes of the parents. Make sure you do all that you can to be sensitive to the rhythm of the home, because in so doing, you will earn credibility and respect from your parents.

Communicate Your Ministry Vision
Why do you do the things you do in ministry? Are there defined purposes that drive every event, activity, and Bible study? If so, are you communicating these purposes to your parents? They need to know.

I have always been very purpose driven in my youth ministry. Every event, activity, and Bible study has its roots in a deeper purpose. Sunday mornings are set aside for ordered learning and challenging teaching. Parent discussion guides are emailed or delivered to parents each week because we are committed to equipping parents so that they can discuss spiritual things with their teens at home. Wednesday nights are designed to foster community and spiritual discussion, so the teaching is minimal and the games are plenty! Our social events are designed to build group unity and welcome newcomers in a non-threatening way, so Bible teaching or discussion is minimal. I know the purpose behind all of this, but do my parents?

If I do not clearly communicate my ministry vision to them, then they will wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. For instance, if I don't communicate clearly and often that Wednesday nights are spiritually lighter than Sunday mornings for a reason, then parents will begin to question my spiritual leadership ability. I have even been accused of running a "pizza party" youth ministry by some parents because they don't understand the rhythm of my ministry. Their family skips Sunday School each week, and their kids only come to youth on Wednesday nights and only experience the lighter stuff. It's my responsibility to communicate to these parents that there is much more to the youth ministry picture than what they're seeing. I need to encourage them to get their kids involved in the other aspects of the ministry as well.

One of the ways that I have communicated my ministry vision and purpose to parents is by publishing a yearly brochure that spells out my ministry vision in a detailed yet simple way. This brochure gets mailed to, handed to, delivered to, given to, and forced upon every parent multiple times each year. Also, each time I meet with my parents, I make sure that I spend just a few minutes discussing some aspect of my ministry vision with them. Remember, there is no overkill in this area, and if you want your parents to be on board with your ministry vision, then you must communicate it to them clearly and constantly.

Communicate Your Ministry Schedule
I spend a lot of my time developing ministry brochures, pamphlets, calendars, postcards, and newsletters. The youth and family ministry at my church consumes a lot of paper, and there are much fewer trees in this world to prove it! We are constantly producing materials designed to communicate our ministry schedule to the teens and parents of our church. They come to expect mail, handouts, and emails, and when they don't receive multiple communication hits about an event, they begin to doubt if the event is actually going to happen.

Case in point: We hold a monthly parent meeting on the fourth Wednesday night of each month. Parents are encouraged to drop their kids off at our children's building or youth room and stay for pie, coffee, discussion, and prayer. We had been doing it consistently for quite some time - nearly a year. The meetings are announced in our monthly parents newsletter that every parent receives, and it is announced in the church bulletin two weeks in a row prior to the meeting. One time, we forgot to send out a postcard about it. Once we realized that it was too late to send out the postcard, we decided to have a couple of kids call parents to remind them. Some parents were called, and some were not. The night of the meeting, we had only five parents show up. In months prior, we have had as many as 35 attend. When I asked a couple of parents why they didn't attend, they said that because they didn't receive a postcard, they assumed that the meeting must have been canceled...even though they admitted to seeing the meeting announced in the parents newsletter and in the bulletin. One parent even admitted to having the youth calendar posted on her refrigerator with the parent meeting date circled. However, she said that when no postcard arrived, she assumed that the meeting was off. Have I mentioned yet that there is no overkill in the area of communication?!

Make sure that parents are "in the know" about everything surrounding your ministry. They need to know that you are committed to the success of their family, and your ministry make-up and design needs to prove it. Communicate with them often, and don't assume that just because you told them something once or even twice that they got it. Even more so, don't assume that just because you told their teenager something that the message will get home to mom and dad. If you've been in ministry for any amount of time, you know this is true!

In my studies of communication, I have learned that most people will remember something or will be moved to action by something only after they have received seven communication hits about it. If this is even close to being true, you've got your work cut out for you. Develop a communication team that consists of adults or students, and declare war on your parents' mail boxes and email boxes. Barrage them with handouts, pamphlets, brochures, postcards, and phone calls. Go strong, and don't worry about overkill, because there is none!