The Power of Parent Ministry

When I talk to youth workers about the subject of parent ministry (equipping moms and dads to be more effective, godly teen-builders) they seem to fall into one of three categories. They're either passionate about it, ignorant about it, or have no desire to do it.

The passionate ones know its importance and understand its biblical basis. Most youth workers who are ignorant about it simply have never been challenged with the concept, but after being exposed to the idea of parent ministry seem quick to embrace it. It's the youth workers who have no desire to engage in parent ministry that concern me most. And of the three groups, they constitute the majority.

For some time now, parents and youth workers have shared an unhealthy relationship. Parents have given youth workers a green light to become the primary spiritual caretakers of their teens. Sensing a vacuum, youth workers have dutifully stepped in. But as verses such as Ephesians 6:4, Proverbs 1:8-9 and 4:1-9 suggest, this should not be so. Youth workers have been propelled into a role of leadership instead of serving in support role. Likewise, parents have been demoted to a supporting role in an area where they should be leading.

It's like this. My fireplace and my furnace work well together. The furnace supplies the primary heat for my home, and my fireplace provides additional warmth and support for the main heating system. If I were to switch their roles by using the fireplace all the time and the furnace only occasionally, would my house still receive heat? Yes, but it would not be nearly as warm and my heating system wouldn't be as effective.

The same principle is true when parents and youth workers switch roles. Do teens still receive spiritual training and care? Yes, but it's not nearly as good and the spiritual training system isn't as effective. The Bible makes it very clear that the primary responsibility of "training up children in the way they should go" (Prov. 22:6) rests upon mom and dad. It's the job of youth leaders to come alongside parents and support them in any way possible.

What does this mean for youth workers? First, they must reassess their role and commit to building up and supporting the home rather than unintentionally undermining it by taking on the parents' God-given responsibilities. Youth workers -especially those who aren't parents of teens themselves - should seek to understand what it's like to parent a teen and how they can be a more effective ally. Using this knowledge, they must then build their ministry with parental support as the primary focus. This isn't the norm. Many youth workers don't want to do it because it can be intimidating. It's hard work. But it's too important not to do it.

What does this mean for parents? They must accept a leadership role in the spiritual training of their teens and resist the temptation to delegate this responsibility to the youth worker (or let it be wrestled away from them). If they haven't already done so, parents need to adopt a strategy for nurturing their adolescents, spiritually. Then they can sit down with the youth worker and discuss how the full-time minister can best support them. This isn't the norm either. Many parents don't want to do it because it takes a lot of time and effort, but it must be done.

Parent ministry is a must for every youth ministry. It takes cooperation from both sides to make it happen. Caring, connected parents know their children better than anyone. Youth workers know the popular culture well and understand how to relate on an intimate level with teenagers. Together, performing their God-ordained duties, they can team up so that young people receive the ultimate spiritual benefit.

Passionate. Ignorant. Apathetic. If you want to see youth thrive, you'll gravitate toward passion, watching the Lord work wonders as you make parent ministry a top priority.

This article was written by Mike Potter and first appeared in a 2002 edition of Plugged In magazine.