Theology Must Give Birth to Philosophy

This is part 1 of a 4-part "Foundations of Parent Ministry" series.

Before any youth worker can make the decision to transition his or her program to a more parent-focused ministry, he or she must first wrestle with the theology behind the philosophy. This is true of any new ministry shift a youth worker makes. I remember early on in my ministry reading Acts 2 and being profoundly challenged with the theology of small groups. This theology - plus a lot of reading, research, prayer, and conversation - led to a philosophical shift in my ministry, which finally led to the launch of my small group ministry. The theology came first, and the same must be true before launching your parent ministry.

"Family ministry" and "parent ministry" are buzz phrases among youth workers today. It seems like everyone is talking about it, but few are doing it well because few have thought through the theological implications. Since youth workers are pulled in so many different directions, we tend to not allow time for theological study and thought - except when we're trying to figure out how to explain the Trinity to a snot-nosed, hygenically-challenged junior higher!

The big question in youth ministry today is, "What does a successful parent ministry look like." This is an excellent question and one that many ministry leaders are trying to answer. In this series of articles, I'll take my stab at this question. However, this is NOT the first question that we should be asking. The first question should go something like this: "How ought Scripture to impact the way I do ministry to parents?" If we ask this question first, then we can rid our minds - for the time being - of all the other "how to" questions regarding parent ministry and allow God's Word to shape our philosophy first.

The Bible makes it very clear that the home is the primary place where faith training and the passing down of faith and values must take place. It also makes it clear that the job of pastors and teachers (youth workers) is to prepare and equip God's people (which includes parents) for works of service (which includes parenting). No where in Scripture does it say that pastors - or youth workers in our case - are to see themselves as the primary faith trainers in the lives of teens. By exploring the following passages of Scripture, I think you'll agree.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

This is a familiar passage that is rich with meaning and implication as we allow it to inform our emerging parent ministry philosophy. These words were spoken by Moses as he gave his final instructions to the Israelites before they entered the Promised Land and before he died. They are important words and were taken seriously by the original listening audience.

Nowhere in this passage do we see the word "parent." As a matter of fact, these words were not addressed specifically to parents, but rather were addressed to all of the adults in the Israelite community. Understood in this light, it gives us youth workers great spiritual ammunition for recruiting and equipping an army of adults to assume the role of spiritual mentors to the teens and younger kids in our churches. However, even though the word "parent" does not appear here, the implications for parents are many.

Who other than parents are consistently around when kids are lying down and when they are getting up? Who other than parents has the authority to tie things on a kid's hands, bind things on a kid's forehead, and write things on the doorframes of their homes?! If anyone bound my kids' foreheads or wrote on my doorframes, there'd be trouble! So, it's clear that although these words are addressed to a broader audience, parents will be the primary ones to pull these things off.

Since this is true - and since the foreheads and doorframes of our students are off limits to us - we must ask ourselves what this passage is instructing us in regards to our developing parent ministry. Let me suggest a couple of things.

1. We must help parents love God passionately.The great thing about this one is that this is what the church as a whole should be focused on. Other members of the pastoral staff or other such ministry leaders should be concerning themselves with the spiritual development and growth of the parents involved in your ministry. Your job, then, is to make sure this is happening. If you don't know what opportunities for spiritual growth are available at your church for your parents, then talk with those in charge of adult ministries. Then, encourage the parents of teens in your church to participate in these classes, small groups, etc. Communicate these opportunities to them on a regular basis via email, your parents newsletter, and word of mouth. Have parents who are plugged in to the church invite those who are not. Coordinating and overseeing the spiritual development of parents is not your job as a youth worker, but doing all that you can to encourage parents to participate is.

2. Parents are to teach their children diligently to love God and His Word. As my pastor would say, the word "impress" in verse 7 is pregnant with meaning! It means to point, to pierce, to prick, and to diligently teach. It implies a real sense of focus, accompanied with day-in and day-out sweat-filled labor. If parents want to see their kids grow to passionately love God, they must not only love God this way themselves, but they must be incredibly diligent in training their kids in the faith. This all-out effort is especially critical in this day and age with so many forces ready to step in and educate kids if parents do not. As youth workers, I believe that we must spend most of our time and effort in this area, helping moms and dads to pull off this daunting yet do-able task. This passage tells us that parents have the best opportunity to be the most effective faith trainers in a kid's life, and as youth workers, we MUST equip them, educate them, and train them to do it. Sound scary? It is! Sound tough? It is! Sound difficult? It is! But, it can be done, and we'll explore this in greater detail in future articles.

3. Parents are to make sure this is not a compartment but a family lifestyle. The term "compartmentalize" is probably a bit overused in ministry circles today, but regardless of it's dead-horse status, it is still true. The tendency of our culture today is to compartmentalize almost everything...work, family, marriage, religion, choices, decisions, convictions, and so on. We must help parents fight the cultural force that strongly pushes them to compartmentalize their faith, thus separating it from the rest of life. This can be devastating for not only them, but also for their kids. Kids growing up in a home where faith is compartmentalized to Sunday mornings, Wednesday nights, and occasional church potlucks will carry this philosophy into adulthood and live a lifestyle that more reflects the world than the Bible. Parents are told in this passage that conversations about the Lord and His Word should fill their homes, their lives, and the lives of their children. This is the biblical key to kids developing and then living an uncompartmentalized spiritual life as adults.

As a matter of fact, the Search Institute, a secular research organization based in Minneapolis, came to this conclusion after studying what factors helped kids stay committed to the faith upon entering adulthood. They found that the most powerful predictor of a young person's continuing faith in Christ and continuing commitment to the church through adulthood is simply this: if that young person hears at home conversations about faith between their father and themselves and between their mother and themselves.

So, parents must make sure that the faith they pass on to their teens is one that is a part of every area of their lives. The Bible commands it, the secular world affirms it, and as youth workers, we must facilitate it.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

If we were given permission by God to remove one verse from Scripture and were allowed to completely ignore its content, this would be the one I would choose! As a father, these words sit heavy upon my shoulders, and their implications have been life-altering. Because of this one verse (and it's Colossians 3:21 partner), I have come to understand that as a father, it is my responsibility to make sure that my children are being trained and instructed in the things of the Lord.

For me, this has meant that 1) I plan and oversee our family devotions; 2) I provide books and devotionals for my kids and keep up with what they are reading and studying so that I can have good spiritual discussions with them; 3) I make sure that my wife and I pray regularly for them; 4) I make sure that the education they are receiving includes the Christian worldview; and 5) I teach them to pray by praying with them often. This does not mean that I do it all to the exclusion of my wife. As a matter of fact, she does much of the same with them. However, this verse implies that as the father, I must oversee the training process, making sure that it is being done.

What does this mean for youth workers as they develop their philosophy of parent ministry? It means that we must approach parents with the understanding that the Bible says that the primary responsibility for the faith training of children (teens) is the father's. We must acknowledge that fathers are the heads of their homes (Ephesians 5:23), and our ministries must be designed to help them carry out their God-ordained role by providing them with training, resources, and mentor-relationships.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture where half of the marriages end in divorce, thus throwing a large-sized wrench into our ministry planning and strategy. In many divorce situations, the father is mostly absent, so we may need to equip mothers in these homes the way we would equip dads if they were there. If this is the case, you will need to make sure that your parent ministry strategy provides great support and help for those mothers who are raising teens alone. There are, however, many cases where the father is still in the picture to some extent and could still benefit greatly from what your parent ministry can offer him.

Regardless of whether a home is "intact", "blended", or led by a single parent, Ephesians 6:4 makes it clear that the primary location where faith training shoud take place is in the home...not in the church. Our job as youth workers is to provide the necessary support and resources for it to take place there.

Ephesians 4:11-12
It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service...

Nowhere in Scripture do I see the position of youth pastor or youth worker mentioned. I'm not saying that these positions should not exist...my livelihood depends on it! However, we must look to Scripture to see what biblical principles apply to the position of youth worker.

The word for pastor in verse 11 can also be translated to mean shepherd, and shepherding is what all youth workers are called to do. This passage says that pastors (or shepherds) - and those in the other God-ordained offices mentioned - are to be about the business of preparing and equipping God's people for works of service so that the church may be built up or edified. As youth workers, we usually apply this verse to the equipping of volunteers or student leaders, but we must also see that this verse has application for our parents.

It has already been established that Scripture calls parents to be the primary faith trainers of their children. This God-given role - when carried out properly - builds up and edifies the church at large by producing Godly children, providing a Godly example for other parents to follow, and glorifying God through obedience to His commands. As youth workers, we play a pivotal role in this process. As we equip, educate, and encourage parents, they build up the church body through their obedience.

So, in light of these three passages alone, it becomes clear that as youth workers, we must redefine our position. The days of traditional youth ministry where the youth worker sees parents more as a burden than as a ministry must end. It is true that today's teens desperately need what we have to offer them, but what about their parents? They desperately need us too, and if we can help them become better, more Godly parents, then we will also be helping their kids as well.

Developing a philosophy of parent ministry is essential for every youth worker involved in the lives of teens today. When constructing a new home, builders give careful attention and thought to the laying of the foundation, because they know that if they don't, the home will be poorly built and structurally unsound. In the same way, we must give careful attention, thought, and prayer to the theological foundation of our emerging parent ministry, because a solidly built and structurally sound parent ministry is rooted in biblical principles.